


I Never Want to Be Without You

by RageHappyThunder



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageHappyThunder/pseuds/RageHappyThunder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel and Ray have been together secretly for months, but Joel constantly has abandonment issues since he’s “so much older” “Ray can do better” etc. They’ve been fighting a lot, and they grew colder, to the point where Ray isn’t crashing at Joel’s place anymore. But then Joel drunk texted (not so drunk as alone) Ray that he needs him or whatever. Ray is on his way when he gets hit by a car.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Never Want to Be Without You

Ray loved Joel and his neurotic tendencies, he loved the way he would passionately talk about the stock market for hours and get self conscious because he’d been talking for a long time. He loved the way his hair was disheveled when they woke up and he loved the sound of his voice and how he smelled and he loved everything about him. Well. Ray hated when Joel would get self conscious, he hated when the older man told him that he could do better and that the age gap was the thing. He wished Joel would just relax and accept the fact that they were dating, to just let loose and let happiness grip him for a while.

Ray never wanted to break up with him, but their relationship seemed to be fizzling out, like a lighter that’s run out of gas and can barely produce a flame anymore.   
Ray feels at fault because he let this happen.

They would bicker, they always had their own little fights here and there but then Joel started to take them to heart, their little fights becoming wildfires they couldn’t control. Joel brought up the age difference more often and Ray would get more and more hurt by this. Screaming at him that if he wanted to go and find someone his own age then go the fuck ahead. Find someone new. Joel would always come back though, knocking at his door at all hours of the night.  
“I don’t want someone new, I want you Ray.” He would slur between drunken hiccups and Ray would be stuck babysitting Joel again and they’d be fine for a few days until Joel would bring everything Ray has ever hated into a conversation and they would fight again. They would fight until Ray’s head grew dizzy and a migraine would threaten to erupt like a volcano that’s been dormant for far, far too long.

So Joel would leave Ray’s house, the younger screaming that Joel should get a filter and filter out the bad that he would bring up.

See that’s what got to Ray, the fact the Joel seemed to just make up problems that aren’t problems that became real. Ray respected that he wanted to keep the relationship a secret, he promised him that they’d tell everyone together, when the time was right. But then Joel would just erupt into self pity that drove Ray mad because Ray saw Joel as the most wonderful, smart, and talented person in the world and Joel saw himself as the opposite of that. Joel kept saying that Ray could do better but he really really couldn’t and even if he could he didn’t want to. He had everything he ever wanted storming out of his apartment door.

No.

Wait.

I’m sorry.

And then the cycle would start all over again.

But then Ray got tired of him being the one chasing after Joel. He started to feel his own doubts, like maybe Joel was trying to say something, like maybe Joel was trying to break up with him without breaking up. So Ray stopped coming over to Joel’s house and the older did the same. Both of them missing the other’s good morning smile. It ached when they saw each other during lunch but didn’t stop to say hello.

Or I love you.

One day Ray cornered Joel in the older man’s office. He was buried in his work and Ray felt like Joel didn’t have the time for him so he tried to sink back through the door, but Joel shot him a glance and Ray knew he had to do this.

“What are we now?” he asked, sadness dripping off his words and his face looked like he had been kicked to the curb. It took Joel every bit of strength to not grab Ray right then and there and hug him until tomorrow. It took Joel more strength than he had to mutter, “I don’t know.” So Ray slipped out of the office. Unsatisfied with the answer and sadness weighting his stomach down like a million gold bars had been sewn to his wrists and he was just dragging himself along.

——

Later that night Joel wanted to drink himself into a coma, but held back. Alone, sad he looked at the clock and it seemed to be telling Joel lies, whispering that it was only 9PM in between every tick and tock, so he tried to deflate himself from the sad that seemed to clog his airwaves with every breath. He exhaled a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding and took a swig of the cup of whiskey he had. He then whipped out his phone and started a conversation that was long overdue.

I think we should talk, please I miss you so much. Can you come around?

Yeah sure.

I’ll pick you up?

No I’ll walk. It’s okay, don’t bother.

Joel let out another sigh, he sunk his head onto his cold kitchen counter table, he wished he wasn’t so… Him.

He wished he wasn’t even alive when his phone rang again, a shaky voice on the other side rushing to tell him 7 different things at once but only one thing sunk in fully.

Ray was sitting in a hospital bed without him.

So Joel did what anyone else would do. He shot out of his seat in a half drunken stupor and went for his keys, screaming obscenities as he tried to understand the directions to the hospital. (Thankfully he didn’t crash into any cars on the way there.)  
When the hospital receptionist greeted him with a sickening smile and a cheery ‘hello’ it took Joel every ounce of self control he had to not punch her in the face.  
“I want to see him, I want to see Ray Narvaez Jr.”   
“And your relationship with him is?”  
“Very complicated at the moment,” Joel said without a second though, worry and guilt crushing him like the car that almost crushed the life out of Ray…

No please, don’t think about it.

The woman sighed and smiled, “You can see him soon, just take a seat.” Joel never wanted to punch someone in the face like he did at that moment. Soon he was greeted by people, Geoff and Jack and Michael, all crowding around, disrupting a sleeping Joel in the waiting room, making him wake up with a start.

“Joel did you stay here all night?” Jack asked, and Joel just yawned a response. He took the hospital pass in his hand and handed it to Joel.   
“They say you can see him, here go first. Only one person at a time for some reason.” Joel awoke fully, his energy draining from the anxiety he felt. He muttered a thank you and ripped the pass out of Jack’s hand. Rushing down the room Ray was staying in, only for him the hesitate outside of the door for a millisecond. He opened the door with a bang.

“Jooooel~” Ray said faintly, his voice seeming small and in pain, his left side covered in bruises and it looked like he had cuts all over him but other than that he seemed fine.

“Ray.” Joel choked out his name and it seemed to linger in the air for a while when Joel threw his arms around Ray, burrowing his face into the younger’s neck and leaving soft kisses. He petted his hair while Ray hugged back, shushing him.  
“This is my fault.” Joel said, his voice cracking and his eyes watering with tears that threatened to flow like a river.  
“No. Not everything is your fault Joel. Jesus, I’m the idiot who didn’t look both ways.” Joel unhooked his arms from around the other’s neck. He placed a soft hand on every bruise he could find, muttering I’m so sorries and Ray saying that it was okay, and that he was okay and everything until the universe collapsed would be okay.

Joel kissed Ray, softly, like Ray was a rose that Joel didn’t want the petals to fall off and Ray smiled into the kiss and threw his arms around Joel.

“So I just have to get hit by a car for you to kiss me like that hmm?” Ray joked and Joel rolled his eyes, and let out a shaky laugh. He sniffled.

“I never want to be away from you. The few weeks where I’ve been an ass and not waking up with you by my side have been stupid. I’ve been stupid and if you don’t care about the age gap and if all you really care about is us then that’s all I’ll care about. Okay?”  
“You’re not just saying this because I’m hurt right Joel?” Ray lifted up his eyebrows in surprise and disbelief.  
“No, no Ray this is what I wanted to tell you when I asked you to come over.”  
“You were looking for make-up sex.”   
“Yeah basically.” Joel joked and they laughed while Joel intertwined their fingers together.

“I love you.” Joel breathed out.  
“I love you too.” 

(Don’t think that Ray didn’t milk the fact that he was hit by a car. When he was discharged he demanded that Joel carried him bridal style to his car. He also spent a day or two in bed with Joel bringing him roses every so often. Ray was really happy when the roses didn’t stop coming even though he was better. He was also really happy that Joel never brought up the age difference again. Yeah, he was still insecure but Ray treated that in his own way. But how he made Joel confident was a story for another time.)


End file.
